Posted by Stealth on Friday October 8, 2010 @ 11:11pm
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Well, in case my email missed anyone, here's an update - The wedding has been canceled. There is no chance for a redo, reconciliation or anything like that. It's done and done and finished. That's what I get for having a big heart.

Anyways.. as life moves on.. I just want to thank anyone here for the support, well wishes and pleasant thoughts.

One good side of this is that I'm going to be free for a spring trip back to Vegas.. so we'll have to plan something there when Caliber and Volt can be in town (Savage and Joe would be great too, but since they both have families and live a bit farther away.. I don't know if we can plan for that.

Anyways.. I'vm doing ok, just taking care of the things I need to do and figuring out how to get back as much as I can from all the money that went out.

Posted by MadArab on Monday October 11, 2010 @ 05:16am
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Well, in case my email missed anyone, here's an update - The wedding has been canceled. There is no chance for a redo, reconciliation or anything like that. It's done and done and finished. That's what I get for having a big heart.

Anyways.. as life moves on.. I just want to thank anyone here for the support, well wishes and pleasant thoughts.

One good side of this is that I'm going to be free for a spring trip back to Vegas.. so we'll have to plan something there when Caliber and Volt can be in town (Savage and Joe would be great too, but since they both have families and live a bit farther away.. I don't know if we can plan for that.

Anyways.. I'vm doing ok, just taking care of the things I need to do and figuring out how to get back as much as I can from all the money that went out.

So sorry man... so sorry.

On the flipside... since AMDOCS took our IT contract, my travel has been cut to, oh, about zero. So I'm going to have to start figuring out what I can do to get a trip up to DC sometime. We have an office in Oakton now too... but I think we have AMDOCS staff in that area that will visit in case of an emergency, so my travel days are somewhat done. I'm gonna keep my eyes and ears open though.

Posted by Stealth on Wednesday August 4, 2010 @ 01:44pm
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So I'm not sure if everyone caught on Facebook that our man from Rotterdam is now happily ENGAGED!! Now, is it just me, or was that a TOTAL FUCKING SHOCK? I didn't even know he had a woman, let alone one he was planning to propose to.

This now puts SPS on a whole new level of Stealth. Who knows what he could be plotting or conspiring when he can keep secrets such as this. WTF?!?!

Congrats man! Happy for ya!

Thanks yo..

So, It worked like this.. As Volt said, I've known the lady for a long while and over the last year, year and a half we have been getting closer, talking, sharing.. etc. It's kind of hard to date at 5000 miles away. As we talk, we like the idea of being together, the only problem being, we didn't know if we had chemistry. We hadn't ever kissed. We've gone out to dinners, shows, concerts and she even lived with me as a roommate over in DC for a few months, there just never seemed to be a physical chemistry (plus she was always in a relationship to boot). 20 years of friendship always makes it seem like it might be a but weird too. Last month she was over at my moms place just relaxing and we talked about marriage then when I got back to the states. Well, after the job got crunched, things headed south. She had hoped that she would start to feel something but it never seemed to happen and it seemed I wouldn't be coming back. So, thinking that things just might not work out, she was just going to skip the whole thing and move to Vegas since I wasn't moving back to DC back then. I was disappointed, doubly, for sure, but I figured I'd stop by town to say hi, see Ryan ( her now one year old son) and just catch up. Things start casual, we head over to the beach and just walk and talk and laugh and on the way home she unloads and tells me that she's completely sorry, made a really big mistake, doesn't want me to leave; very unexpected and a welcome surprise. We talk for the drive back, over dinner and end up kissing. It all goes well over the next few days, better then we had hoped and when I'm out running a few errands, I decide to pick up a ring and ask her. She quickly and happily says yes. And so that's that. It seems odd, I'm sure.. but we are both completely happy and looking forwards to moving into out new life. I just need to find a job back in the states.. preferably over in the NW, but as long as it's work.

We'll be getting married in the fall. up in the Portland area. I don't have a date or time and I'm sure it's going to be short notice and probably a small event.. so don't be too disappointed if it comes and goes really quickly.

So yeah.. that's the story in a nutshell.

Posted by rub on Friday August 6, 2010 @ 05:59am
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We'll be getting married in the fall. up in the Portland area. I don't have a date or time and I'm sure it's going to be short notice and probably a small event.. so don't be too disappointed if it comes and goes really quickly.

Congrats man... if I am stateside I'll try to make it. I need to replace the bad memories of Portland with some good ones. Last time I was there a volcano blew up and doused our house in ash.

Posted by MadArab on Thursday August 5, 2010 @ 04:58am
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Wow dude, that's crazy, amazing and awesome! Congratulations!! I doubt I'd be able to make it out west for a wedding on any kind of short notice, but I'll be there in spirit for sure! I'm so so happy for you man.

Posted by Krux on Wednesday August 4, 2010 @ 03:40pm
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Holy crap dude... talk about a surprise. Congratulations.

I want to eventually make it up to the NW area. Been looking a lot at Seattle, since it would seem that I already have quite a few friends there. Portland would be cool as well, though I don't really know anyone there.

Posted by MadArab on Thursday August 5, 2010 @ 04:59am
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Holy crap dude... talk about a surprise. Congratulations.

I want to eventually make it up to the NW area. Been looking a lot at Seattle, since it would seem that I already have quite a few friends there. Portland would be cool as well, though I don't really know anyone there.

Seattle and Portland are BEAUTIFUL places man. I've spent a lot more time in Seattle over the years from so many little trips... the wife and I agree it's our favorite city!

Posted by Stealth on Thursday August 5, 2010 @ 03:02pm
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Holy crap dude... talk about a surprise. Congratulations.

I want to eventually make it up to the NW area. Been looking a lot at Seattle, since it would seem that I already have quite a few friends there. Portland would be cool as well, though I don't really know anyone there.

Seattle and Portland are BEAUTIFUL places man. I've spent a lot more time in Seattle over the years from so many little trips... the wife and I agree it's our favorite city!

Well I hope you end up that way some time.. I figure I'll be doing a little time in DC before I try to get back to the NW.. but yeah, I everyone ends up that way.

Posted by Caliber on Thursday August 5, 2010 @ 02:56pm
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Holy crap dude... talk about a surprise. Congratulations.

I want to eventually make it up to the NW area. Been looking a lot at Seattle, since it would seem that I already have quite a few friends there. Portland would be cool as well, though I don't really know anyone there.

Seattle and Portland are BEAUTIFUL places man. I've spent a lot more time in Seattle over the years from so many little trips... the wife and I agree it's our favorite city!

buncha goddamn hippies...

Posted by MadArab on Friday August 6, 2010 @ 05:02am
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Seattle and Portland are BEAUTIFUL places man. I've spent a lot more time in Seattle over the years from so many little trips... the wife and I agree it's our favorite city!

buncha goddamn hippies...

If I had the money, I'd take a nice little ranch in Wyoming or Montana somewhere. Horses, ATV's & Guns. That's all I'd need.

Posted by Caliber on Friday August 6, 2010 @ 10:00am
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Seattle and Portland are BEAUTIFUL places man. I've spent a lot more time in Seattle over the years from so many little trips... the wife and I agree it's our favorite city!

buncha goddamn hippies...

If I had the money, I'd take a nice little ranch in Wyoming or Montana somewhere. Horses, ATV's & Guns. That's all I'd need.

Well, I was mostly kidding, but really anything west of the Cascades are a bunch of hippies. Once you are out off the coast, places like Bend or Madrid Oregon are really sweet, especially considering your above stated interest.

Now if I had the money, I would seriously stay here in Northern Nevada. It's that nice cool-weathered high desert. The mountains are nice to look at, the weather is beautiful, I still have "most" of the freedoms I started with, and the mindset up here is tolerable. It doesn't suck that I have reasonable sized cities within driving distance. Volt is only 4 hours away, the wife and I's families are only 5 hours away, and everyone else is far enough away as not to bother us :)

It's crazy, I thought I would never love anyplace more than Vegas, but I found it. I'd still lose my mind if I wasn't able to go back home often though

Posted by voltaic on Monday August 9, 2010 @ 08:03am
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Now if I had the money, I would seriously stay here in Northern Nevada. It's that nice cool-weathered high desert. The mountains are nice to look at, the weather is beautiful, I still have "most" of the freedoms I started with, and the mindset up here is tolerable. It doesn't suck that I have reasonable sized cities within driving distance. Volt is only 4 hours away, the wife and I's families are only 5 hours away, and everyone else is far enough away as not to bother us :)

Northwest Nevada is definitely on my short list, if I move away from CA when school's out. We'll see.

Posted by MadArab on Friday August 6, 2010 @ 12:52pm
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Now if I had the money, I would seriously stay here in Northern Nevada. It's that nice cool-weathered high desert. The mountains are nice to look at, the weather is beautiful, I still have "most" of the freedoms I started with, and the mindset up here is tolerable. It doesn't suck that I have reasonable sized cities within driving distance. Volt is only 4 hours away, the wife and I's families are only 5 hours away, and everyone else is far enough away as not to bother us :)

I'd like to check it out sometime. Probably won't be able to for about 10 years though. heheh

Posted by Caliber on Friday August 6, 2010 @ 11:41pm
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Now if I had the money, I would seriously stay here in Northern Nevada. It's that nice cool-weathered high desert. The mountains are nice to look at, the weather is beautiful, I still have "most" of the freedoms I started with, and the mindset up here is tolerable. It doesn't suck that I have reasonable sized cities within driving distance. Volt is only 4 hours away, the wife and I's families are only 5 hours away, and everyone else is far enough away as not to bother us :)

I'd like to check it out sometime. Probably won't be able to for about 10 years though. heheh

well when you get yourself unfucked, let me know... you and the fam will always have a place to crash :)

Posted by MadArab on Sunday August 8, 2010 @ 12:23pm
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I'd like to check it out sometime. Probably won't be able to for about 10 years though. heheh

well when you get yourself unfucked, let me know... you and the fam will always have a place to crash :)

hahaha... thanks man. Kinda gets expensive now to take random trips with the fam... we want to plan a trip out to Vegas next year, but it's only for a day or two in Vegas, then to Barstow for her Dad and his side of the family, then Hemet for my Grandpa. Was talking to her about it just yesterday though. ;-)

Posted by Caliber on Sunday August 8, 2010 @ 05:29pm
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I'd like to check it out sometime. Probably won't be able to for about 10 years though. heheh

well when you get yourself unfucked, let me know... you and the fam will always have a place to crash :)

hahaha... thanks man. Kinda gets expensive now to take random trips with the fam... we want to plan a trip out to Vegas next year, but it's only for a day or two in Vegas, then to Barstow for her Dad and his side of the family, then Hemet for my Grandpa. Was talking to her about it just yesterday though. ;-)

That was one of the great things about living in Vegas. Motherfuckers always wanted to come out "to see you" hehe... fucking people flying from Hawaii to hang out with me... or at least with Vegas. Now its a goddamn fight to get the various family types to come to where we are. Hell, volt could hit my house with a rock and that fucker still only gets out about 4 times a year tops (not that we are exactly charging to Sac/San Fran on a regular basis, given)...

Posted by voltaic on Monday August 9, 2010 @ 08:04am
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Hell, volt could hit my house with a rock and that fucker still only gets out about 4 times a year tops (not that we are exactly charging to Sac/San Fran on a regular basis, given)...

It's a bit tougher now though with an eight hour round trip assuming no traffic/weather problems...

Posted by Caliber on Monday August 9, 2010 @ 12:44pm
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Hell, volt could hit my house with a rock and that fucker still only gets out about 4 times a year tops (not that we are exactly charging to Sac/San Fran on a regular basis, given)...

It's a bit tougher now though with an eight hour round trip assuming no traffic/weather problems...

No doubt, but at least now I can actually get a flight. For whatever fucking reason, no flights are offered from Reno to Sac. I would have to fly to vegas first, which is fucking dumb...

That all said, baby girl still misses her uncle Mark sometimes... It's funny the shit that sparks her memory, like seriously, I think she believes you are shakespeare. Whenever a picture of the bard pops up someplace she's "uncle Mark this and uncle Mark that." Fortunately her childlike attention span means we only have to deal with for about 45 seconds hehe

Posted by voltaic on Tuesday August 10, 2010 @ 07:14am
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That all said, baby girl still misses her uncle Mark sometimes... It's funny the shit that sparks her memory, like seriously, I think she believes you are shakespeare. Whenever a picture of the bard pops up someplace she's "uncle Mark this and uncle Mark that." Fortunately her childlike attention span means we only have to deal with for about 45 seconds hehe

I can think of worse things to be associated with. heheh

Posted by MadArab on Monday August 9, 2010 @ 07:34am
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That was one of the great things about living in Vegas. Motherfuckers always wanted to come out "to see you" hehe... fucking people flying from Hawaii to hang out with me... or at least with Vegas. Now its a goddamn fight to get the various family types to come to where we are. Hell, volt could hit my house with a rock and that fucker still only gets out about 4 times a year tops (not that we are exactly charging to Sac/San Fran on a regular basis, given)...

Shit... who's coming to Charlotte? lol!

Posted by Stealth on Tuesday August 10, 2010 @ 09:01am
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That was one of the great things about living in Vegas. Motherfuckers always wanted to come out "to see you" hehe... fucking people flying from Hawaii to hang out with me... or at least with Vegas. Now its a goddamn fight to get the various family types to come to where we are. Hell, volt could hit my house with a rock and that fucker still only gets out about 4 times a year tops (not that we are exactly charging to Sac/San Fran on a regular basis, given)...

Shit... who's coming to Charlotte? lol!

Shit.. see who ever came over here. Bunch of bitches.

Posted by voltaic on Wednesday August 18, 2010 @ 07:29am
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Shit... who's coming to Charlotte? lol!

Shit.. see who ever came over here. Bunch of bitches.

North Carolina is infinitely more accessible than Holland to us starving students. :(

Posted by MadArab on Wednesday August 18, 2010 @ 07:49am
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Shit... who's coming to Charlotte? lol!

Shit.. see who ever came over here. Bunch of bitches.

North Carolina is infinitely more accessible than Holland to us starving students. :(

And yet I get no love still. :-p

Posted by Caliber on Wednesday August 18, 2010 @ 06:59pm
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Shit... who's coming to Charlotte? lol!

Shit.. see who ever came over here. Bunch of bitches.

North Carolina is infinitely more accessible than Holland to us starving students. :(

And yet I get no love still. :-p

I threw a rock east today, if it makes you feel any better

Posted by Caliber on Tuesday August 10, 2010 @ 03:53pm
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That was one of the great things about living in Vegas. Motherfuckers always wanted to come out "to see you" hehe... fucking people flying from Hawaii to hang out with me... or at least with Vegas. Now its a goddamn fight to get the various family types to come to where we are. Hell, volt could hit my house with a rock and that fucker still only gets out about 4 times a year tops (not that we are exactly charging to Sac/San Fran on a regular basis, given)...

Shit... who's coming to Charlotte? lol!

Shit.. see who ever came over here. Bunch of bitches.

you are going to have to find wealthier friends

Posted by Stealth on Wednesday August 11, 2010 @ 12:16am
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That was one of the great things about living in Vegas. Motherfuckers always wanted to come out "to see you" hehe... fucking people flying from Hawaii to hang out with me... or at least with Vegas. Now its a goddamn fight to get the various family types to come to where we are. Hell, volt could hit my house with a rock and that fucker still only gets out about 4 times a year tops (not that we are exactly charging to Sac/San Fran on a regular basis, given)...

Shit... who's coming to Charlotte? lol!

Shit.. see who ever came over here. Bunch of bitches.

you are going to have to find wealthier friends

I guess..

Posted by Caliber on Monday August 9, 2010 @ 12:40pm
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That was one of the great things about living in Vegas. Motherfuckers always wanted to come out "to see you" hehe... fucking people flying from Hawaii to hang out with me... or at least with Vegas. Now its a goddamn fight to get the various family types to come to where we are. Hell, volt could hit my house with a rock and that fucker still only gets out about 4 times a year tops (not that we are exactly charging to Sac/San Fran on a regular basis, given)...

Shit... who's coming to Charlotte? lol!

yes, I am absolutely sure you feel the pain hehe

Posted by Stealth on Friday August 6, 2010 @ 12:31pm
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Seattle and Portland are BEAUTIFUL places man. I've spent a lot more time in Seattle over the years from so many little trips... the wife and I agree it's our favorite city!

buncha goddamn hippies...

If I had the money, I'd take a nice little ranch in Wyoming or Montana somewhere. Horses, ATV's & Guns. That's all I'd need.

Well, I was mostly kidding, but really anything west of the Cascades are a bunch of hippies. Once you are out off the coast, places like Bend or Madrid Oregon are really sweet, especially considering your above stated interest.

Now if I had the money, I would seriously stay here in Northern Nevada. It's that nice cool-weathered high desert. The mountains are nice to look at, the weather is beautiful, I still have "most" of the freedoms I started with, and the mindset up here is tolerable. It doesn't suck that I have reasonable sized cities within driving distance. Volt is only 4 hours away, the wife and I's families are only 5 hours away, and everyone else is far enough away as not to bother us :)

It's crazy, I thought I would never love anyplace more than Vegas, but I found it. I'd still lose my mind if I wasn't able to go back home often though

Yeah, it is nice up there, but in all honesty, if you weren't making Army Officer bucks.. and you had to work on the economy.. is the job market any good? Do they pay enough? Stuff like that? I mean.. for geeks like us (Volt excluded.. hehe) is it possible to make comfortable happy living?

Posted by Caliber on Friday August 6, 2010 @ 11:40pm
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Seattle and Portland are BEAUTIFUL places man. I've spent a lot more time in Seattle over the years from so many little trips... the wife and I agree it's our favorite city!

buncha goddamn hippies...

If I had the money, I'd take a nice little ranch in Wyoming or Montana somewhere. Horses, ATV's & Guns. That's all I'd need.

Well, I was mostly kidding, but really anything west of the Cascades are a bunch of hippies. Once you are out off the coast, places like Bend or Madrid Oregon are really sweet, especially considering your above stated interest.

Now if I had the money, I would seriously stay here in Northern Nevada. It's that nice cool-weathered high desert. The mountains are nice to look at, the weather is beautiful, I still have "most" of the freedoms I started with, and the mindset up here is tolerable. It doesn't suck that I have reasonable sized cities within driving distance. Volt is only 4 hours away, the wife and I's families are only 5 hours away, and everyone else is far enough away as not to bother us :)

It's crazy, I thought I would never love anyplace more than Vegas, but I found it. I'd still lose my mind if I wasn't able to go back home often though

Yeah, it is nice up there, but in all honesty, if you weren't making Army Officer bucks.. and you had to work on the economy.. is the job market any good? Do they pay enough? Stuff like that? I mean.. for geeks like us (Volt excluded.. hehe) is it possible to make comfortable happy living?

There is plenty of government work. Also, for hardcore geeks, there are 4 colleges within about 20 or 30 minutes of each other that could seriously use an influx of knowledge from the field. That doesn't include Morrison and U of Phoenix with also both have campuses here. On the For Profit side, the big work would be in the infrastructure-building aspect, since fiber and such are currently being laid like mad. Photovoltaics are also going in, so someone that knew a little electrical engineering in addition to their IT stuff would never be want for work. The amount of networking that goes into those projects is actually pretty phenomenal. Beyond that, I'm not sure. Government is the big thing here in Carson, Reno has more of the university work. Obviously there are casinos as well (in both locales). Its no silicon valley, but with all the emerging tech that is springing up, I could see a smart guy doing well. There also seems to be some demand for consulting, but by its very nature it is unreliable pay. I imagine that is probably more true now with everyone feeling like it is cool to default on credit.

I know for our top 5 tech positions we pay $80k to $115k each, so I imagine that some of the other gov facilities pay similar. I couldn't even begin to estimate the wages outside of that though. Our #1 guy is a civilian, so its not like everyone has to wear the green (though it is true that the vast majority do)

That all said, you definitely wouldn't do well as a help desk/computer repair place. Best Buy seems to have this part of Nevada on lock down when it comes to software/hardware repair. I have seen a half dozen little places pop up and die here in Carson.

Posted by Stealth on Saturday August 7, 2010 @ 10:56am
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Now if I had the money, I would seriously stay here in Northern Nevada. It's that nice cool-weathered high desert. The mountains are nice to look at, the weather is beautiful, I still have "most" of the freedoms I started with, and the mindset up here is tolerable. It doesn't suck that I have reasonable sized cities within driving distance. Volt is only 4 hours away, the wife and I's families are only 5 hours away, and everyone else is far enough away as not to bother us :)

It's crazy, I thought I would never love anyplace more than Vegas, but I found it. I'd still lose my mind if I wasn't able to go back home often though

Yeah, it is nice up there, but in all honesty, if you weren't making Army Officer bucks.. and you had to work on the economy.. is the job market any good? Do they pay enough? Stuff like that? I mean.. for geeks like us (Volt excluded.. hehe) is it possible to make comfortable happy living?

There is plenty of government work. Also, for hardcore geeks, there are 4 colleges within about 20 or 30 minutes of each other that could seriously use an influx of knowledge from the field. That doesn't include Morrison and U of Phoenix with also both have campuses here. On the For Profit side, the big work would be in the infrastructure-building aspect, since fiber and such are currently being laid like mad. Photovoltaics are also going in, so someone that knew a little electrical engineering in addition to their IT stuff would never be want for work. The amount of networking that goes into those projects is actually pretty phenomenal. Beyond that, I'm not sure. Government is the big thing here in Carson, Reno has more of the university work. Obviously there are casinos as well (in both locales). Its no silicon valley, but with all the emerging tech that is springing up, I could see a smart guy doing well. There also seems to be some demand for consulting, but by its very nature it is unreliable pay. I imagine that is probably more true now with everyone feeling like it is cool to default on credit.

I still wonder if I would enjoy doing GS work. I know I shouldn't be picky or anything. University's pay well? I thought they always seemed to be trying to meet budgets and all that. Good to know. I don't know if she would want to live in that area, but it's nice to get a small town view and some ideas.

I know for our top 5 tech positions we pay $80k to $115k each, so I imagine that some of the other gov facilities pay similar. I couldn't even begin to estimate the wages outside of that though. Our #1 guy is a civilian, so its not like everyone has to wear the green (though it is true that the vast majority do)

I'd take one of those spots then.. that's good money for that area, especially.

Thanks for the ideas and pointers..

Posted by Caliber on Saturday August 7, 2010 @ 12:39pm
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There is plenty of government work. Also, for hardcore geeks, there are 4 colleges within about 20 or 30 minutes of each other that could seriously use an influx of knowledge from the field. That doesn't include Morrison and U of Phoenix with also both have campuses here. On the For Profit side, the big work would be in the infrastructure-building aspect, since fiber and such are currently being laid like mad. Photovoltaics are also going in, so someone that knew a little electrical engineering in addition to their IT stuff would never be want for work. The amount of networking that goes into those projects is actually pretty phenomenal. Beyond that, I'm not sure. Government is the big thing here in Carson, Reno has more of the university work. Obviously there are casinos as well (in both locales). Its no silicon valley, but with all the emerging tech that is springing up, I could see a smart guy doing well. There also seems to be some demand for consulting, but by its very nature it is unreliable pay. I imagine that is probably more true now with everyone feeling like it is cool to default on credit.

I still wonder if I would enjoy doing GS work. I know I shouldn't be picky or anything. University's pay well? I thought they always seemed to be trying to meet budgets and all that. Good to know. I don't know if she would want to live in that area, but it's nice to get a small town view and some ideas.

I have no clue how well the universities pay, I just know they need tech guys pretty bad. I mean seriously, they gave me a degree in network engineering... me... network engineering... come on...

The big Cisco guy at WNC was pretty smart. He taught full time, plus billed the college for any actual "network stuff" he did as a consultant. He did some outside consulting as well. Guy owns a $800000 house and his wife is a stay-at-home-mom, so he can't be doing too bad.

I know for our top 5 tech positions we pay $80k to $115k each, so I imagine that some of the other gov facilities pay similar. I couldn't even begin to estimate the wages outside of that though. Our #1 guy is a civilian, so its not like everyone has to wear the green (though it is true that the vast majority do)

I'd take one of those spots then.. that's good money for that area, especially.

Thanks for the ideas and pointers..

I can't complain

Posted by Caliber on Monday August 2, 2010 @ 01:52pm
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So I'm not sure if everyone caught on Facebook that our man from Rotterdam is now happily ENGAGED!! Now, is it just me, or was that a TOTAL FUCKING SHOCK? I didn't even know he had a woman, let alone one he was planning to propose to.

This now puts SPS on a whole new level of Stealth. Who knows what he could be plotting or conspiring when he can keep secrets such as this. WTF?!?!

Congrats man! Happy for ya!

I'm thinking his russian order finally came in :)

Posted by voltaic on Monday August 2, 2010 @ 03:04pm
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Congrats man! Happy for ya!

I'm thinking his russian order finally came in :)

Not exactly. It's a woman both he and I have known for a long time, and goddamn if this isn't the best news I've had in quite some time. I'm beside myself.